Walls…

I could paint a pretty picture of the joys of Ironman training and life, how everything is going swimmingly, and that I have ran 100 miles, biked 5000 miles, and swam 6000yds this week.

But that isn’t the case. 

I am having a tough time training.  

Things have been busy at work.  I have been leaving the house at 5am, which really screws with fitting in a morning run or ride.  Then I get home at 6:30-7pm.  I am kind of beat at that point, and the thought of suiting up and going back out into the rain for a run or ride just seems like a little more than I can bear.

Plus, a girls gotta eat…

The other day I was so busy I had oatmeal (with yogurt, walnuts, and berries…yum) for breakfast before work, then had about 6 Tic Tacs for lunch. 

Porter had a few Tic Tacs too...

By the time I got home I was starving and I think I just had a box of Annie’s mac and cheese, took a shower, and went to bed.

So you can see I am struggling with training.

I really do love my job and want to do well.  I am in my truck a lot, so I could in theory stop whenever I want to and grab lunch.  I could make my appointments with my landowners a little later… But it isn’t that simple.   There is a lot more to it than that, and a lot of background stuff that needs to be done.

I had a bit of a breakdown over this this week.  I was looking at my pictures from Ironman Lake Placid and suddenly was hit with “There is no fing way I am going to be ready for IMMT at this pace.” 

I just don’t want to go to the race and be completely miserable because I am under-trained.

I have considered backing out of IMMT.  The thought makes my throat all tight.  That is how I know I want this, because I almost start crying when I think of having to NOT do it (talk about a psycho).

So I have been in angst.  Feeling like there was this huge wall up in front of me, blocking my ability to train.  To do this race I want to do so badly.

So I have been thinking about this all week.  This morning, I remembered one of my favorite quotes…

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!  ~Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Oh yeah.  That’s right.  I am not supposed to let the walls stop me.  I just need to figure out a way around it. 

I talked with my boss about giving up IMMT (this is before I remembered Randy Pausch) and he told me he hated for me to give that up, that he didn’t want me to give that up because he knows how important it is to me.  He said if there was anything he could do to help so I could do the race, he would do it. 

At the time I was pretty bummed and down about the whole situation.  I think when you get to that place you miss a lot of opportunity (a hand up over the wall, so to speak).   So I told him as busy as things were, I didn’t think I had anywhere to put the training. 

Now I am rethinking that. 

I am hoping that the last two weeks were just busy, and that things will become more normal starting this week.  I will continue to get up at 4am – but I will fit in a workout instead of just breakfast, contacts, brush teeth, leave for work.   And try my hardest to get back by 6pm, or maybe carry running gear in my truck to get my run in before I get home.  I could feasibly leave my bike at work and ride at night after work as well, and then go home.

See, there are all kinds of options.   So I am not giving up IMMT.  At least not without a fight.

Since I am on a Randy Pausch kick in this post, I will end it with another great one:

You just have to decide whether you are Tigger or an Eeyore. You have to be clear where you stand on the Tigger/Eeyore debate.

I am definitaly a Tigger, not an Eeyore.  

About caratunkgirl

Short spunky girl from the tiny town of Caratunk, Maine. Active outdoor girl. I am a forester, whitewater raft guide, Ironman and 5x marathoner with Ultra dreams. Always ready for the next adventure with my dog Porter by my side.
This entry was posted in bonk, dark, excuse, Ironman, mental, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Walls…

  1. aww, love this post. love the quote and just know if you need any support just let me know or gimme a call!!
    want to plan a weekend ride?

    hang in there M–you are one tough cookie and if you want this, it is all yours.

    xo
    MilesMusclesMom recently posted..More Motivation: Eye Candy Edition Part II for the MEN!My Profile

  2. Christina says:

    Such a great reminder that we all have to figure out our own ways around and over these kinds of walls. Just paint the big word “Life” on the wall for most of us and recognize that it is there. You can do this! Best wishes in finding more balance. Glad you have support out there. Hope your renewed attitude helps you recognize more “hands up/out”.
    Christina recently posted..Back to the PoolMy Profile

  3. Glenn Jones says:

    I know *exactly* how you feel after long days at work!
    Glenn Jones recently posted..I Actually Jogged Today. Oh Deer!My Profile

  4. Ross Congo says:

    The problem I have is that I am a Tiger one day and Eeyore the next. I feel your struggle. You will get it.
    Ross Congo recently posted..Little Rock TravelMy Profile

  5. JP Kennedy says:

    Mandy, I know the pain. I have the same doubts about racing and our jobs. Here’s what I’ve had to adopt, a militant mindset of training sometimes when the opportunity presents itself. I sometimes park my truck during the day and just run. I sometimes take my mtn bike to work with me and go ride when the opportunity comes during my busy day.
    Hang in there, the IMMT and the job are both worth it!

  6. Such an honest post and I can’t imagine balancing it all. I’m in awe of triathletes.

    Does Porter work with you all day?

    Here’s to being Tigger and conquering IMMT!
    Jess @ Blonde Ponytail recently posted..Fitness Friday: BEAST ModeMy Profile

  7. Jeff says:

    Yo Mandy – hang in there. You have to be at MT or the rest of us are going to be like a bunch of whiny kids talking about how much we miss you!

    You know the answer: Make the time. Schedule it in each and everyday and then do it. Look back on your days and figure out where you could have fit in a run or bike and then schedule it in moving forward. THEN really kill it on the weekends!

    Give me a ring or email if you need to talk it out!
    Jeff recently posted..I am jumping off a boat into shark infested waters on SundayMy Profile

    • Kevin says:

      Ummmm… EXACTLY!

      We all need (and want) you there! Why the heck do you think we signed up for this race in the first place????

      My advice is to look at your week, figure out what your key workouts are and make sure to get them in. The rest is just filler. Yeah, the every day workouts are going to help when you have time to fit them in, but don’t let them get you mentally down when you miss them.

      Keep your head up. You got this. We are here for you if you need anything. Seriously. Email. Tweet. Call. Send carrier pigeon. Whatever. You have a million people on your sideline.
      Kevin recently posted..10,000 HoursMy Profile

  8. Colleen says:

    Ha… I love Jeff’s comment! :)

    You are a tough cookie and it will all work out the way that it’s supposed to. So much is happening in your life. Don’t let the stress of a race or some workouts get you down. And eat more than some tick tacks during the day. I mean… at least some cheesey popcorn or something. Gesh… But at least you shared with Porter so he didn’t have bad breath!

  9. Tracy says:

    You are amazing. I don’t know how you do all that you do, but it sounds like you have a great support system so you’ll find a way to get it done!
    Tracy recently posted..Friday FiveMy Profile

  10. Black Knight says:

    Welcome back, I missed your posts.
    I see that your days are hectic.
    Don’t give up and keep on running,biking, swimming.
    My lady cat Gioconda says “ciao” (hi – sorry but she doesn’t speak english) to Porter.
    Black Knight recently posted..Cemivet RunMy Profile

  11. Christi says:

    I love the tigger/eeyore debate!

    I am sure things will work themselves out but I understand where you are coming from. I wish you the best!
    Christi recently posted..Day 4 of Clean Eating JumpstartMy Profile

  12. I love that you are not giving up without a fight. I wish you (and me too) were independently wealthy and didn’t have a care in your life besides your training but that, unfortunately, isn’t reality. Balancing life is hard. You know that and also know all you can do is all you can do. Your right decision will be clear.

    Reach out to me if you want to talk or anything. You know we’re all here for you. You’ve got this – freakin’ or otherwise.
    The Rock Star recently posted..How did I get to this weight?My Profile

  13. Matt Smith says:

    Mandy! Keep your head up and keep training! You’ll get through this low spot and be able to do great at IMMT. You’re a strong athlete and will get the training that you need by race day. Hang in there!
    Matt Smith recently posted..Bad Boys, Bad Boys…PART IIMy Profile

  14. adena says:

    You are TIGGER! But I get it, it’s alot. We are all here behind you tho, no matter what you do.
    adena recently posted..so I was…My Profile

  15. BDD says:

    Keep Fighting

  16. Coy Martinez says:

    Hang in there. I know it has to be tough. I’m training for my first 70.3 and I’m having a tough enough time with that with three kids. I can imagine doing a full IM but I sometimes just can’t imagine the hours of training that a person has to put into it. That in itself is almost a full time job!! Keep your chin up :)
    Coy Martinez recently posted..The verbal beat down on my bike rideMy Profile

  17. Erin Lane says:

    You must come visit me and go for an awesome long bike ride. I’ll show you the true meaning of biking with friends… FUN! And of course you’ll get back on track.
    You’re Mandy!

  18. Joel says:

    Mandy! Hang in there. Training can be tough to fit in – we all know it. Especially when you’re training for a huge race like IMMT. You WILL get it in, and you WILL go up there (well – I guess it might be down there for you) and kick major A$$ (and totally CHICK Jeff!).
    Joel recently posted..A Question of Swim Speed or SafetyMy Profile

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