So…here’s the thing.
I am kicking myself for signing up for THIS race.
I mean, when I signed up, I was all frustrated with my IMLP time and wanted to do another race, STAT, to really show the improvements I have made this year.
I mean I lost 30 pounds, I trained harder than ever before…and I was SLOWER than my first IM. Sure sure, there was the 3 weeks of face exploding mis-diagnosed abscess tooth pain that kept me from doing ANYTHING but roll around and moan.
So I wondered what I could do if I was healthy. I recovered quickly from IMLP, and was feeling really good. I figured, HEY! I could sign up for a HIM and get a PR there!! Yay! I am brilliant!
Not so much.
As time went by, my give a shit about the race declined at a very rapid pace.
I was at a point on this weekend when I was not into the race at all.
I want to trail run and hike and do non-race and non-planned things. I want to go to the gym and lift heavy stuff and hit the trails before they disappear under a thick blanket of snow. Going down to OOB means I miss out on a weekend of hiking and trail running with my dog.
It hit me when I was standing on top of Boundary Bald Mountain. Man oh man, did I want to back out of the race so I could bag another peak or two in my mud encrusted trail shoes.
Then I decided to change my focus. It is all about attitude.
I decided to think about what I LOVE about triathlon racing. Why do I do this stuff anyway?
I find when I start to dread something I love, I have to try and remember what it was that made me love it in first place – and find THAT again.
It isn’t about your time, PR’s and all that crap. I mean, I guess it is part of it for all of us of course, but what I mean is – what first drew me to the sport?
I remember my first race. It was a sprint and I could barely swim a lap and I had only learned to bike a few months before.
I stood on the edge of the water with my stomach full of butterflies, the smell of the water and neoprene and suntan lotion and sweat and sand all filling my nose.
I remember churning white foamy water, bodies and swim caps and feet all around me.
I remember coming out of of the water, feeling a strange sense of wonder at all of the strangers cheering for me.
Looking for my bike, grinding up the hills, thinking I was insane to do this. Laughing out loud.
Racking my bike, feeling my brick legs for the first time as I shuffeled the 3 miles, smiling back at the amazing people who were cheering for me, a girl they didn’t even know.
I remember crossing the finishline, hugging people I ran with, meeting new people, and talking about the race.
I love triathlon.
It is the most fun you can have torturing yourself for 2-17 hours.
So it has been decided.
I am going to do the race and just have fun.
No pressure on this one, I am removing the need to prove anything to anyone (ie myself) and I am just going out and doing the thing I normally do.
Smile, make friends, and have a good time.
Actually, it is really my only choice since I haven’t really trained. I am going on the theory that I finished an Ironman a month ago, so I can finish a half Ironman this weekend.
It makes sense to me, but we will see.
So I am dusting off my bike and wetsuit and shaking the dirt off my trail shoes, and heading down to OOB this weekend with a positive attitude and plenty of smiles. There are going to be lots of awesome people there that I can’t wait to see, and with luck I will actually get to hug every single one of them at least once before, after, and/or during the race.